my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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