Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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