dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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