**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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