hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
