My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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