you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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