What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
