There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
