Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize