i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
