Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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