i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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