so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize