Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
