Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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