Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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