Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
