Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
