He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
