At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
