Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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