Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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