I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
