Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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