Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize