Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
