He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
