she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
you never un-have a 4some
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
