It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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