When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
