I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
