the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
