why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
