ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
