This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize