I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
