just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my sisters under your porch take her home
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
