I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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