you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
