I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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