Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
