I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
