I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
