He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
