i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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