He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
