I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
