also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize