I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
