He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
