PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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