My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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