Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
