evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
