I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
wat bout pragnant strippers??
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
