i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
