New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
