I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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