her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
