you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
