omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
