Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
