I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
