Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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