I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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