God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
