So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
