this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
