he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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