I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she told me i tasted like america
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
