glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
