why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize