i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
