I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize