i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
