i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize