She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
