I accidentally had phone sex last night
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize