there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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