I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
3pm strippers are depressing
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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