I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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