Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
