I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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