Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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