SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize