did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
