it hurts more in the daytime
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
