I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize